The Name on Everybody's Lips is Gonna Be...Whit-ney!

Holla! I'm back!

Scene: Griddle Cafe

Ding-dong wedding bells! Heidi says it's time to set a da-ate for their weh-ding! But Satan wants nothing to do with it and would prefer to elope to Cabo, where surely there will be lots of paparazzi ready to take photos of them cahvorting all by themselves. Then he switches it up and makes the ultimate romantic gesture. "It's on you. Just tell me what day to be there. I'll wear a suit." Satan is so dreamy.

Scene: Gym

Horsey and Lauren have added Whitney to their personal training posse, which now looks more like a group cardiokickboxing session. Their inspirational trainer Jarrett says to "go work out," to which the girls giggle and respond that they're going to Big Wang's or something.

At the smoothie/juice bar, Whitney remarks on the niceness that is Jarrett. She has no expectation of anything other than that, I guess. Then she makes that Whitney face and I remember why I love Whitney so.

Scene: Westminster Presbyterian Church

Heidi drags Satan by his pitchfork into a churck, and I swear I saw cracks start to form in the foundation. Satan is wearing a t-shirt that says to "respect" something that I couldn't make out. Life? Jesus? Yo-self? A lady pastor tells them they are required to undergo pre-wedding counseling, which pleases Satan to no end.

Scene: Hillside Villas

Whitney has brought over her best lingerie, moccasins and tights to Lauren and Horsey's apartment to prepare for their group date at the sports bar. After dressing, she exclaims, "I feel like I'm a backup dancer." No Whitney, baby, you're the *star*!

Scene: Big Wang's

Lauren, Whitney and Horsey are at Big Wang's looking for the eponymous gentleman. Instead, Jarrett shows up as planned. Whitney and Jarrett play pool, and Lauren and Horsey remark on how cute they are together. Jarrett totally hustles Whitney. There's really very little conversation going on until Jarrett says to Whit, "We should go up to Runyon Canyon this weekend." In case she wasn't clear about what was expected from her, he clarifies that they will have a "one-on-one session" first, where he will really kick her ass. Overeager Whitney spazzes out. "When? I'll do it as soon as possible." Jarrett comes right back with, "10 a.m. - I'll be there, ready to go." Hmmm.

Scene: Runyon Canyon

At Runyon Canyon, Jarrett is bossing Whit around like this is a personal training session when he's actually seeing if she can "keep up" with him if you know what I'm sayin. He'll keep it real, though, by having her do jumping jacks and punching his hands. He remarks on the awesome view. Yeah. Smog is awesome. Jarrett asks he if she wants to have some drinks tonight - apparently the personal training is over - and says, to be clear, "We'll make it a date." He'll even pick her up. What a guy.

Scene: Apt. 666

Satan gets upset that Bride-of-Frankenstein bought bridal magazines. He doesn't understand what their function is. Look, Heidi says, we can get china with our names on it. "Satan and Heidi 4-eva!"

Scene: Teen Vogue

Lauren and Whitney discuss how Jarrett totally hearts Whitney. And now, the weekly lesson: first dates can be really uncomfortable. Thanks, Lauren and Whitney!

Scene: LaCantina

I'm a little off my kilter because I was under the impression that Don Antonio's was the only Mexican restaurant in L.A. After I regain my composure, I note that Jarrett pulls out Whitney's chair for her and orders the lady a white sangria. He remarks that Whitney is dressed beautifully and not like a fabled Indian princess of American folklore. Whitney will go places where she can dance and "not involve herself." That's it. Jarrett is taking her dancing. He asks her what her sign is. Whitney knows she's a Pisces, although she really doesn't know what that means. What's your dream, Whitney wants to know, kind of like that homeless guy on Hollywood Boulevard from "Pretty Woman." Jarrett is very sincere in his response that he wants to be a trainer. He just got out of a relationship. OMG, so did she! She doesn't want to be attached - she just wants to have fun. Come on, Whit. The name of the game is "hard to get." Jarrett responds, "Yeah, that's why I asked you out."

Scene: Apt. 666

Heidi is very tired from a long day of party planning and friendship wrecking. Spencer has the solution: "You can sleep in the car." How appealling. "I've packed for you. We're going to Las Vegas to get married. I got us the honeymoon suite." Heidi says um, no, I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and celebrate the day with family and maybe my friends like Jen Bunney and that new girl at work. But she's not done with Satan yet. "I'm sick of coming home and wondering 'What's gonna be there? What's going on?'" Day-um, Heidi ends with a flourish. "If I'm too much of a hassle for you then maybe we should think about it some more," and she leaves her Ring Pop on the coffee table.

Scene: Heidi's Non-Job Job.

Heidi is busy making paper creases, perhaps some origami swans for the next "event" gift bag. New workplace friend Kimberly is all, what's wrong. So Heidi rehashes the story of Spencer wanting to elope to Vegas (which, I should add, is a bit of a downgrade from Cabo, but whatev). He left the house. Can you imagine? "If we can't even figure out a fight, how are we supposed to figure out our lives together?" Word, Heidi. Hell, I can't even figure out that sentence.

Scene: Cafe M

Lauren and Whitney are discussing Whitney's date with Jarrett at some cafe. First things first. "Do you have any..................sweetener?" Lauren asks what Jarrett wore on the date, being the fashionista. He wore a tight, v-neck American Apparel shirt. Whitney divulges that she got a "friend" vibe from Jarrett, which was punctuated by the fact that there was No Kissing. I knew Whitney was a tease. Whittease. Nevertheless, they discuss what to do in the event that a kiss was imminent but undesirable, going through a number of kiss-avoidance manuevers. "Knowing me, I would make it awkward," laughs Whitney. Sigh. This is probably true.

Scene: Apt. 666

Heidi is unpacking groceries with her boobs. Satan breezes through the door, singing "Honey, I'm ho-ome." Heidi wants to know where Satan slept last night. "At my parents' house." Really? Satan says he wants to do whatever is gonna make her happy forever. Heidi can't believe Satan left. She wouldn't have left. He's sorry. Apology accepted. He gives her back the Ring Pop. They're living the dream.